Middle Age - Low Lights and Soft Music

I have preferred the loud and the bright when joining the teenage club. Then I noticed a subtle change. Whenever the chance presents, soft music low lights is the order of the day. But lately the clamor to control my environment is getting a bit more obsessive. The days of loud music and songs are gone. So is working and living with some kind of sound present in the background. Today, listening to some kind of sounds is more directed and intentional. When I am working from home I just want the working lights (if there is insufficient natural light), nothing else. If I need accompanying music it must be soft or baroque. I am changing. I am shifting into new preferences.

My teenage son is different. He is diametrically opposite to me on these two preferences. All lights are switched on when he is home. His recreation has to produce loud sounds from the square boxes. There is gaiety and fun. ??? Am I missing out? No! I have fair share. It’s just that I have changed!

Yes, I have complained and advised. Yes, he has toned down. He is a good teen. He knows what I want. He reads the weather pretty well for a teen. Only at times he forgets and that’s natural. Teens get amnesia now and then and the only antidote is the good old fashion reminders. But remember don’t get too upset and provocative. He learns tolerance, patience, compromise and sharing from those around him. This is life. Here as he watches and experiences, we impart values. Even a child has rights. Rights to receive love and fairness! However, I still get to veto especially when I have a heavy and busy day and coming home with frayed nerves. Use the veto sparingly, like a bank account. Liberal usage will cause the account to be overdrawn and of no value.

People change as their season of life change. These changes could be surfacing due to some psychological and physiological changes. Some say it the mid-life thing! Whatever! Looking at my present season I would like to embrace these new preferences. They enhance the quality of my life. I am producing more cerebral work. Intellectually I am moving a few notches higher and the skill and the ability to pause, reflect and to act greatly increased.

The next question is how to change gracefully and transit successfully without imposing and infringing on the rights of others? Recognizing and respecting the rights of others in our station of life whether it is in the small or large context is the beginning of having the freedom to change gracefully and successfully. This will allow the space and time to savor and observe the moment and the movement of changes in one’s life?

Photo: Pangandaran, Central Java off Yogyakarta, Indonesia.

Life’s Lesson and Bak Kut Teh

One night, four years ago, I took my former boss who is a HongKonger back to his hotel after a full day seminar. I was driving along Old Klang Road and spotted my old favorite Bak Kut Teh restaurant, Choy Choy (pass Tmn Desa traffic lights junction on your left, keep left and slow down to park.)

“Do you want Bak Kuk Teh for supper?”, I asked. I know he has a soft spot for this particular dish. Each restaurant has their own secret concoction of herbs and spices. The difference is in the degrees (heat/duration of cooking and ingredients), literally and figuratively.

My wife and I used to patronize this place but it was 18 years ago. Then not a single blip on the radar. This is due to the arrival of our son. Life centered on him.

The chef has aged. He has grey hair, lots of them. The soup has turned darkish and ‘colloidish’. It was no longer the light brown almost clear soup that I was used to. The taste and aroma is stronger. But I prefer the lighter version.

Photo: My son in Chanthaburi, East Thailand on 31st Dec, 2002.

That sets me thinking, what has these 18 years done to him, besides the food and his physical features.

My former boss in one of his discourse (sometimes diatribe!) has just lectured on the difference between ‘loving’ and ‘teaching’ in the context of family life. At 66, he discovered the difference and how to use these two judiciously. “Love the parents and teach the children and not the reverse.” And widening its usage, “Love the elderly and reserve the teaching to the young.”

 

I find this to be true. My parents need love. Sometimes when they are feeble and no longer as useful, dispensation of instructions and commands are common communications. They don't need these but love. As for my son, I think he needs more instruction. Instruction to live life not just to the fullest but in a fair, just and civil manner. Not that I don't give love to my son, in fact it radiates to him everyday. He knows it.

Fourteen years has gone. I asked myself the question, “Have I done enough ‘loving and ‘teaching’ to the right people?” It is still not too late. Even the Bak Kut Teh seller got to change for his clientele. How much more for those who have loved ones, young and old!

Kids in China Having 6 Incomes - No Kidding (China Part 2)

Taken in Stone Forest, Yunnan, China in 1995

Never before the kids in China are having it so good. They enjoy living off 6 incomes. Why do I say so?

Thirty years ago, Deng XiaoPeng introduced the one-child policy in 1979 millions of children were born sibling-less. Now the product (kids) of this policy is already of child-bearing age. In fact many have their kids already.

These 2nd generation kids of the one-child policy are the ones that are lapping it up.

They have the income/pension/savings of their:

1. Parents

2. Maternal grandparents

3. Paternal grandparents

This poses a hosts of opportunities and problems for the kids depending on how you look at it.